From BuddyTV. (You can see a clip of the song being performed at BuddyTV.)In the past few years, one of the most entertaining and offensive Emmy categories is Outstanding Music and Lyrics. Recent winners include "Dick in a Box" from Saturday Night Live and "I'm F***ing Matt Damon" from Jimmy Kimmel Live. This year offers a slightly less offensive group, but still has some crazy choices.
The clear frontrunner has to be "Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit," the big musical number from How I Met Your Mother. But with nominees from Saturday Night Live, Family Guy, Monk, Treme and Rescue Me, there's some stiff competition. Here are the nominees.
"Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit" from How I Met Your Mother
Thanks to the magic of Neil Patrick Harris, one listen to this song and you'll be humming it all day.
"Down Syndrome Girl" from Family Guy
In theory, a song about a girl with Down Syndrome from Family Guy would be as offensive as possible. But this old-school musical ditty is moderately sweet, despite the repeated references to Chris' disgusting bodily functions.
"Shy Ronnie" from Saturday Night Live
I would much rather see Taylor Swift's brilliant "Monologue Song" nominated, but the beats on this Digital Short featuring Rihanna are pretty great.
"How Lovely to Be a Vegetable" from Rescue Me
Perhaps the most hilariously offensive song on the list, this Broadway number takes place in Sean's coma dream while he's battling cancer as he puts on some Fred Astaire-style moves with dancing veggies.
"When I'm Gone" from Monk
This cloyingly sentimental Randy Newman song played over the final montage on the Monk series finale and, sadly, could pack an emotional punch to older voters.
"The City" from Treme
A good, old-fashioned New Orleans song featured in the season finale, the authentic music from post-Katrina New Orleans could also win votes.
Here are the lyrics to "Down syndrome girl":
Stewie: You've got to look your best tonight
You tubby little parasite
Cause there's a lovely lady and she's waiting for you
And though her pretty face may seem
A special person's wettest dream
Before you get to see it there are things you must do
We'll try a tie
And boutonniere of yellow
Or a rose that shows
That you're a classy fellow
With a posh panache
Of Jefferson and Monticello
Busting out a mile with style
I know you just can't wait to stare
At all that luscious orange hair
But boy before you touch a single curl
You must impress that ultra-boomin',
All-consumin', poorly-groomin'
Down syndrome girl
On any normal day you reek
As if you were on a farting streak
Your finger's up your nose and you're dripping with drool
But if you want a lady's love
You're better off by smelling of
A gentlemen's cologne instead of sneakers and stool
A squirt, a spurt
Of something just for Ellen
And you'll see that she
Will find you so compelin'
And she does because
The only smell that she'll be smellin'
Won't be coming from your bum
You wanna take that little whore
And spin her on the dancing floor
But boy before you do a single twirl
You must impress that effervescing,
Self-possesing, no-BS-ing
Down syndrome girl
Her eyes are emerald portals
To a secret land of love
And her smile is like the sweetest summer flower
Her kiss is so inviting
And her hugs are so delighting
And what makes them really nice
Is that they've got a little spice
Because they're tighter than a vice
And they go on for an hour
(Stewie and Chris tap dance)
My boy, between the two of us
We'll get you on that shorty bus
And then you're gonna take it for a whirl
Now go impress that super-thrilling
Wish-fulfilling, Yoo-Hoo spilling,
Ultra-swinging, boner-bringing,
Gaily singing, dingalinging,
Stupefying, fortifying,
As of Monday, shoelace tying,
Stimulating, titillating,
Kitty-cat impersonating,
Mega-rocking, pillow-talking,
Just a little crooked walking,
Coyly pouting, booby-sprouting,
For some reason always shouting,
Fascinating, captivating,
Happiness and joy creating...
Down syndrome girl!
