Massachusetts women with cancer, one who has Down syndrome, form many decade friendship to support each other

From The Boston Herald:

Cancer patients Janet Spindler and her dear friend Pam don’t question what tomorrow brings.

Janet, 67, a retired psychiatric nurse and Pam, 51, a Down’s syndrome “miracle,” are defying cancer together nearly a half-century after meeting at the Fernald School in Waltham.

After traveling the world together, the two women who have filled the roles of daughter and sister in each other’s hearts say they plan to end their extraordinary journey side by side in Medford’s Oak Grove Cemetery. Bowling balls carved into their headstone should inspire others to spare nothing in life.

“I plan on getting in another 22 years, but this way I know she’ll be with me,” Janet told the Herald from the oncology unit at Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge. That’s where Janet - affectionately known by staff as “Saint Janet” - saw Pam through anal cancer and where she’s now fighting her own return of breast cancer.

Their memories are lovingly preserved in photo albums and Pam’s collection of postcards. Having toured Las Vegas, Ireland, Norway, Disney World and the National Parks together, “I’m making plans to go to India next year,” Janet said. “You have to live every day. People say, ‘What you need to do is stay home and relax.’ I don’t want to relax.”

Janet was a teen mentor to 28 physically and mentally challenged girls at Fernald when she first met a 4-year-old Pam.

“I think I just fell in love with her,” Janet recalled. “Back when she was young, they’d (doctors) tell parents, ‘Don’t bring these children home. They’ll destroy your families.’ ”

The pair were separated for four years while Pam - whose last name Janet asked not be used because she has never known her birth family - was still a tot. When Janet returned to work at Fernald and Pam turned 9, Janet started taking her home on weekends. Ten years ago, she became Pam’s legal guardian.

“I love her very much,” Pam said. “She’s a sweetheart.”

The pals were on a cruise in Germany in December when Janet first noticed Pam was losing blood. Pam, a Special Olympian bowler and pro wrestling buff who has her own apartment in Arlington, was stricken with anal cancer.

“When she came out of the emergency room she was very sick,” Janet said. “The nurses said, ‘She could go tonight.’ I was scared to death. But she looked right at me and said, ‘I’m not going yet.’ ”

Four months later, Janet, of Malden, who survived cancer in her left breast in 1988, would learn it had returned to her right. She underwent a mastectomy and joined Pam in radiation treatments.

“Their bond is paramount,” said Dr. Anthony Abner, chief of radiation oncology at Mount Auburn. “I guess what Pam has taught us all is you can go through this without complaining, without feeling sorry for yourself. I don’t think many of us could.

“The unfortunate truth about Down syndrome is it limits life expectancy. She’s been a miracle since she was born,” he said.

Abner’s bedside manner isn’t lost on Pam. “He’s a cute guy,” she said with a mischievous grin.

Radiation therapist Mary McCullough said, “What we got back from Pam and Janet was just phenomenal. You don’t want to meet people this way, but we were blessed.”

Between the two of them, Janet said they’ve probably received some 300 get-well cards. She reads them for courage and strength, not to be reminded that of all the things she and Pam have shared, cancer could be the last.

Though she’s prepared for the inevitable, “I don’t have time for any of this stuff anymore,” Janet said. “I’ve learned a touch, a word can fulfill you for the day. Let me get on with my life.”